This is a PSA for all those crazy youth sports parents out there.

Cut the shit.

Because y’all are a lot.

But y’all are the ✨ shining stars ✨ of today's post.

Because today, we’re talking all about the crazy, crazy world of crazy, crazy youth sports parents. We’re asking the hard-hitting questions, things like: What are the markers of crazy youth sports parent culture? How does acting like a total whack job affect your kid? And if you’re guilty of being a little bit (or a lot bit) of an event-ruining psycho, what should you do?

In this post, we’re covering all this and more. So get comfy; stop screaming at the teenage volunteer referee and remember to breathe, Brandy Leanne; and let’s talk more about the wild and (mostly) wacky world of crazy youth sports parents.

An Evolving Eyewitness Account

I’ve spent most of my life in and around youth sports. First — and I don’t mean to flex here — I was a relatively unremarkable youth athlete myself. Then, I strapped on the metaphorical whistle necklace and entered my sleep-deprived but mostly good-spirited coach era (if you caught me after a cup of coffee). And now? Well… Now, I’m a largely unenthused part-time t-ball parent, who’d much rather be laying on the couch with a glass of wine than watching a gaggle of kids swing and miss fifteen times in a row. 

Having spent so much time around the youth sports commun’, though, I’ve witnessed my fair share of “crazy youth sports parent” moments.

I’ve watched parents ritually force-feed their children sugar cubes before races, and I’ve pretended not to exist as parents absolutely laid into their children beside me. I’ve seen parents get physically removed from arenas by high school gym security, and my poor ears have suffered through so much banshee-shrieking that it’s no wonder my hearing is shit these days.

And now, as I sit among the crazy parent populace, I’ve come to realize that these folks have become my contemporaries. I’m no longer protected from spectator craziness by physical barriers and “athlete & coach only signs.” 

And I’ll tell ya what, besties — the more time I spend with this demographic, the less I understand it.

A Sociological Analysis of Crazy Youth Sports Parents

But not all crazy is created equally. There’s various flavors of cuckoo. 

So when we talk about this demographic of sports parents — the crazy ones — it’s important to note that there are really two major sects. We have the crazy parents who are “sorta much” and the crazy parents who are “completely unhinged.” And when we analyze them from a sociological standpoint, we’ll find that each sect has its own unique set of cultural markers.

On one hand, we have the “sorta much” parents.

These are the parents who are a little — shall we say — over-enthusiastic. They’ve got the boomboxes playing, they’ve got their faces painted, they’re wearing the personalized jerseys, they’re filming every moment of action on their cell phones.

Sure, they’re living a little too vicariously, but they’re mostly harmless. Just there to have fun and make memories, even if they’re a little theatrical and over-the-top at times. But with a little pregame Xanax, they’d probably be indistinguishable from gen-pop.

But the unhinged parent sect invests much more meaning into youth sports. 

For these parents, youth sports is not an event where one simply “has fun.” A youth sport event is a sacred lifeblood, the very reason these parents get up in the morning, and something meant to be treated with utmost seriousness. Competition must be utterly destroyed, and anything less than total, perfectly-executed domination will not be tolerated.

When it comes to the unhinged sect of youth sports parents, we’re looking for cultural markers, like:

• Screaming at their child until they have a mental and/or emotional breakdown;

• Screaming at, arguing with, and/or heckling the referees, who are probably just volunteers not even getting paid for this shit;

• Screaming over the coaches as they attempt to coach from the bleachers;

• Screaming in a way that one should only scream if they’re fucking house is on fire.

In other words, there’s a lot of screaming as far as this sect of parents is concerned.

And while they might not realize it, all their constant carrying on isn’t just earning eye rolls and “wtf” glances from all the other less-emotionally-invested parents.

Their unhinged behavior is probably fucking up their kid, too.

“You’re ruining your child by being crazy” - Science (2024)

And no — this isn’t just me being a haughty know-it-all with a wildly unsubstantiated opinion. There’s a ton of research out there showing how parent behavior has a direct impact on their kid’s experience.

For instance, a 2021 study from the National Library of Medicine found that family is “the strongest influence upon a youth’s sports experience and continued participation.” And when it comes to acting unhinged, the researchers found that “parents who model poor spectator behavior [like] screaming, fighting, and arguing with referees” have kids who experience “reduced enjoyment.” 

So when you’re up there in the stands acting like a total lunatic, Barbara-Anne, you’re probably making little Tommy-Joe down on the field never want to touch a baseball again for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want you showing up and embarrassing the fuck out of him. Sit down — and shut your trap.

But even if you don’t manage to suck all the joy out of the activity — to the point where your kid all together quits — a 2024 study from the Baylor College of Medicine found that kids with unruly parents will likely begin mimicking this behavior. So if a parent is up in the stands, hooting and hollering and being a real primadonna, there’s a good chance their kid will start acting like a diva him- or herself. 

Talk about a guaranteed way to raise a real piece of work.

A PSA to all the crazy youth sports parents out there

So while — yes — I admit that bitching and bemoaning and going on tirades is a fun pastime, I always strive for my content to provide at least some kind of actionable advice. Therefore, if you’ve gotten this far and are now coming to the self-realization that you are, undeniably, a crazy youth sports parent, I’ve got some good news for you… and I’ve got some bad news for you.

The bad news is that you, my friend, are annoying as fuck. You’re annoying your kid, you’re annoying the other parents, you’re annoying the players, you’re annoying the referees. You’re annoying literally everyone. And you need to knock that shit off.

…Which brings us to our good news. Fortunately, this little character flaw of yours is easy to fix.

Simply put: Just stop being crazy.

That’s it. Just stop. Just choose to stop being a crazy youth sports parent.

Because rather than investing your emotional and physical well-being into the athletic performance of your likely-athletically-average child, there are endless ways to spend your emotional energy.

And if you’re unsure how else you can spend your time and emotional energy if not in youth sports, I’ve got you, boo. Because below I’m compiled a list of 123 things you can emotionally invest in instead of little Bobby’s soccer games.

(And in full transparency: I built this list with ChatGPT’s assistance because I couldn’t be arsed to sit here and actually come up with 123 ideas on my own.)

TL;DR

If you’re a crazy youth sports parent, you’ve gotta give it a rest. You’re embarrassing yourself — and probably making your kid fucking miserable. Rather than letting your emotional well-being get wrapped up in a 7-year-old’s soccer performance, let’s find another way to manage our clearly-excessive energy, honey. 🫶🏼